I posted the great interaction I had this past week with a stylist who, with a few choice words, completely eased my tension about making the full implications of my use of the word “girlfriend” clear. That’s the thing about the English language as it applies to women: heterosexual women can refer to their platonic female friends as “girlfriend” without anybody batting an eyelash. “My girlfriends and I had a party this weekend” - “I went to the mall with a girlfriend” - “I went to the mall with my girlfriend, Stacy” - none of these inherently imply the sort of relationship I have with Maggie. Though, typically enough, a straight guy would never say “boyfriend” in a similar context.
So when I say “girlfriend” to my new friends in France, I’m going to have to choose the context carefully to avoid confusion. As it stands, there are several of them who overlook my gender-neutral treatment of her (“Significant Other” “S.O.” “partner”) and our relationship on the discussion board and assume that she is a he. I realize that I’m in a relationship that is in the minority and that the majority tends to assume that the minority is less mainstreamed - especially with something relatively “invisible” like sexuality - but I still balk at being assumed straight. I still get frustrated when people don’t realize that I’m coming out to them when I’ve made the choice to come out to them by using a word like “girlfriend.”
But the stylist picked up on the implications of my terming Maggie “girlfriend” and, possibly still unclear, casually said “maybe you’ll meet the person of your dreams” in France. “Person.” Genderless. Non-judgmental. His use of the word “person” said, in a quick and simple subtext, “I’m open to the idea that relationships like yours exist. You’re safe here.” It made it very easy for me to respond: “I’ve already met her. She lives in Laos.”
